NSFW Recap

Chardougla   5 October 2017

Note: This is a series we’ll be doing where we colorfully give our opinion on the Sharks play in the game. If you are easily offended/don’t like crude language, I’d stay away from these.

Well that fucking sucked. The Sharks went out and showed, despite their disappointing early exit, that they didn’t change fuck all from their strategy. They looked better than they did to end last season, mainly because Thornton didn’t look like a fucking corpse, and Couture didn’t look like his face was held together by a Boy Scout’s ducktape. But otherwise, the biggest God damn disappointment from last year, our shitty ass power play, looked exactly the same. Force feed to Burns, and pray the sweet Lord Jones that it would go in. Speaking of Jones, I love him to death, but he directly contributed to the first two goals, first by going blind and missing the Flyers forward directly between him and the target, and then by playing angles so poorly Pee-wee goalie would have laughed their asses off at him. He recovered however, making some Godly saves that may or may not have caused a few pairs of pants to be tossed into the to-be-washed pile. Anyways, where was I? Oh that’s right, our power play that reminded everyone of that Brazilian fetish porno they totally haven’t watched, i. E. forcing something in that totally shouldn’t be forced. In layman’s terms, Burns shooting the puck from the point Every. Single. Time. Even when the Flyers are committing three men specifically to block the shot and Boedker has so much open ice he’s surfing Scandinavian Love to find someone to keep him company, let’s feed Burns and hope that the shot doesn’t somehow get deflected right out into the zone for the 234th time. I’m sure that’ll work. And that’s not even mentioning our horrendous PK which acted like that girl in your college dorm everyone knew as “Floor 6” because she literally fucked every guy on the sixth floor. Instead of dedicating someone to move the big ass Wayne Simmonds that was parking his ass in front of Jones on every single PK, the Sharks instead decided to spread their legs and allow the Flyers easy access. Special teams fucked this team harder than Jon Snow fucked his aunt. The reality is, they dominated this game 5 on 5. But whenever a player went to the box, and it didn’t matter which team, you just knew the Sharks were going to spend 2 minutes on their heels (less, on the Flyers PP since damn near all of those goals came like 3 seconds in). This team has way too much talent to shit the bed on special teams like that, and if they keep this horseshit up, those experts predicting the demise of the Sharks will look like that dumbass orangutan that somehow picks the Super Bowl winner.