IMPORTANT MESSAGE

Irbe's Pads   14 January 2017

“The Sharks’ watch, indeed, stretches out its hands to Jones, shouting and telling for joy upon their sons!”

Greetings, people of the Sharks watch. It is I, Lord Commander Irbe. I come bestowed upon you to bring you a message of great calamity. Wicked forces within the Pacific division hath expunged our lead at the top of the division. Bygone is the epoch of division dominance, as the heathen Anaheim Ducks hath performed a coup d’etat, expelling the Sharks and his holiness Jones from their moralistic place at the head of the division. These transgressions against Jones will not stand. Not only, but external forces of evil hath plagued and corrupted the salubriousness of the Sharks roster. Dylan DeMelo, Tomas Hertl, Paul Martin, Joonas Donskoi,  David Schlemko, and M.E Vlasic have all been martyrs this year, their grave misfortunes leaving a chasmic breach within the depth of the roster. Despite this, the bravery of the team and heroics of Jones have stabilized what seemed like a grave situation. However, these actions by the Anaheim Ducks will not go unchecked.

If you wish to incorporate into Sharks’ watch, this is the oath set by our founder, MentallyShorthanded, who is presumed dead. May his soul be with Jones now. Recite the oath to join the Sharks’ Watch.

"Teams gather, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my team’s elimination. I shall pay attention to no wife, tend to no house, entertain no children. I shall hoist no Cup unless my team wins glory. I shall live and die at my seat. I am the fan in the darkness. I am the watcher on the sofa. I am the shield that guards the realms of Sharks fans. I pledge my life and honor to the Sharks’ Watch, for this night and all the nights to come."

THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS. A MOBILIZATION. A STRIKE AGAINST THE HERESY OF THE DUCKS. A RESTORATATION TO THE RIGHTFUL ORDER. A REENFORCEMENT OF SUPERIORITY. I, IRBE, COMMANDER OF THE SHARKS’ WATCH, CALL UPON THE OPTIMISM THAT OUR ORGANIZATION IS SO WELL AVOWED FOR, TO WILL OUR TEAM INTO VICTORY. 

May the blessings of Jones be upon you all.