Kings Suck

Chardougla   31 December 2016

We all know them. Our ugly, annoying, hated neighbours to the south. The hulking, clutch bunch of goons known as the Los Angeles Kings. Every time I see them on the schedule, in the standings, or pretty much anywhere, fresh hatred and vitriol come to the forefront of my mind. We all know, in our heart of hearts, that our beloved Sharks are the superior team, but just for discussion’s sake, I will go facet by facet and demonstrate why our team is better. This comp doesn’t take into effect current injuries.

Goalie

This is where the typical LA bandwagoner who knows about as much about the game of hockey as Clayton Kershaw would scoff, saying “Quick is obviously superior, he’s so clutch” But is he though? I seem to recall a certain goalie outperforming a certain other goalie in a 5 game playoff series by a substantial margin. Jones has the higher career save percentage as well, and he is 4 years younger. Not to mention Jones plays a calm, consistent style, much differently than Quick’s imitation of a squirrel that just took 5 shots of espresso. Advantage Sharks.

Defense

Again, cue the bandwagon cry of “Doughty got the Norris though!” Yeah ok mate, let’s look holistically. Doughty is a special player, no doubt, and Muzzin and Martinez are also quality defenders, but Vlasic is the best defensive defenseman in the entire league, and Burns outweighs the entire Kings team offensively. Braun and Martin are perfect foils to them respectively, and Dillon/Schlemko forms one of, if not the best 3rd pairings in the league. The Kings 3rd pairing, McNabb and Gravel, sounds like a bad movie law firm. Advantage Sharks.

Forwards

This one is clearly tilted in the Sharks favour. The Sharks have 2 future Hall of Famers on the roster in Patrick Marleau and Joe Thornton, not to mention one of the premier goal scorers in the league in Joe Pavelski. Then there’s Logan Couture, one of the game’s best young two way centers in the league. Anze Kopitar, Tyler Toffoli, and Jeff Carter are all very good players, but after than the drop off is huge to Teddy Purcell, Tanner Pearson, and the human shitheap known as Dustin Brown. Meanwhile the Sharks can trot out Labanc, Meier, Donskoi, Boedker, and Hertl. From top to bottom the Sharks forward corps is just deeper and better than the Kings. Advantage Sharks.

Conclusion

So the statement we always knew to be fact is again confirmed. The Sharks are just top to bottom deeper and better than the dastardly Kings. Not only are they far more classy than the team that had Dustin Brown as its captain, but the talent level in all phases is higher. Hopefully y’all enjoyed this totally unbiased article on rivalry night. See y’all in the GDT. Go Sharks!